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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28282977">The Spell of Castiel</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Confix/pseuds/Confix'>Confix</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon Compliant, Hand Jobs, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:01:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,879</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28282977</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Confix/pseuds/Confix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a in-universe slow burn take on what I belive to be the off screen canon romance between Dean and Cas. It begins to peak just after they remove the mark from Dean and is strengthened when Cas lives at the bunker. This is my first fic so please be nice, but I would love feedback.<br/>Also this doesn't end happy, it slides right into the show in season 11, its just a suggestion for how things could have progressed that we did not see.</p><p>Also E tag is more to of a suggestion, new to writing, so while described, its not really smut.. js</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel &amp; Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Too Close</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First Chapter goes with Episode 11-3 of the show, its not necessary to watch and read, but atleast for me the face cupping at the end of the ep was worth it. This is a slow burn romance, much like the show, but I have convinced myself that this is what happened off screen. Thank you for reading and Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Realizing the mark of Cain has pushed him too far, Dean sees flashes of Castiel's battered face, he thinks "how could I do that to him, all he wanted to do was help me, Cas teamed up with Sam and Charlie because he cares. He is always sticking his neck out for me and that's what he gets? Why am I such a dick?"<br/>
Dean feels heavy with guilt about Charlie and Cas, and every other godforsaken thing he cares about.</p><p>Dean finishes off getting revenge on the Stein family down to the last trace; these are the people that were responsible for Charlie's death but Dean feels he is to blame, he is the reason why everyone he cares about gets hurt, something must be done. He plans to summon Death and give himself over to stop hurting the people he loves.</p><p>Death agrees to fix the problem, but only if Dean kills Sam. With an impulsive swipe of the Scythe  Dean makes the heart choice and kills Death.</p><p>What happens next is a blur the mark burns as it comes off his arm, was this Death? Did Cas, Crowley and Rowina pull it off? "Now that is an interesting team up" he thinks to himself. Before he can begin to think about the consequences of his choice, the darkness erupts around him, Sam, and the impala. </p><p>He has no idea what to do.</p><p>After some prompting from Sam he remembers meeting the darkness, he remembers she saved him, was he supposed to be grateful?</p><p>Sam and Dean deal with the direct impact of the darkness's destruction, going through the motions to try to correct what he broke. Another flash and he is with the darkness, he feels a connection to her, like she is linked with the darkness inside him, it feels like killing her would be killing his own darkness and right now it feels like that may be all he has inside him. </p><p>Watching families, people torn apart by what he unleashed, he can't even think about it for a second without spiraling into despair. He feels unclean, broken, he can't think about that right now he needs to help the people he can and fast. Kill first and ask questions later.</p><p>Sam and Dean do what they can to save the people in the town, closest to where the darkness arose, he flashes back to Amara telling him that they are bound, and he winces at the thought, she is bound to the things inside of him that he wishes he could wash clean of, the things he wishes he was not.</p><p>He is back in the bunker now, trying to piece everything together. Cas is there which normally makes him happy, but Cas is sick from the attack dog spell Rowena cast on him. Looking at Cas in this weakened state reminds him of the darkness inside of him, he dazes off mid conversation while with Sam and Cas, to thoughts about the darkness in him and looking at Amara which feels like a 10x mirror of his own broken self. </p><p>Cas begins to quake periodically from the spell within. Dean can't let himself feel the guilt of what is happening to his friend. He needs to fix this. He can't save the world right now, but he can focus on Cas.</p><p>They continue conversation and Sam calls Cas's car crappy.  Dean can't help but defend his friend " The eye of the beholder." he says before talking a bit more about plans to fix this. Cas convulses again this time right out of his chair, Dean leaps up to help him, to get him back up, he gently covers him with a blanket, then taps it firmly because, well, they are guys.</p><p>Sam and Dean set off to find Rowena and to force her to cure Cas. Cas is under the attack dog spell and is roaming nearby. Dean can't think about letting Cas hurt someone, Cas has always been light and hope to Dean, and he beats himself up more than even Dean does. Dean does not want Cas to live the with guilt of hurting an innocent person. </p><p>In a damp abandoned warehouse he hears what sounds like a disoriented Cas, approaching a screaming woman, "Not today!" he thinks.  Cas would rather be hurt, that hurt someone, and Dean is not going to let that happen. He runs to follow the sounds, and he sees Cas with blood rimmed eyes strangling a woman. "Cas Stop!" Dean remembers when Cas was trying to stop him, what Dean did to him, how he thrust the angel blade next to Cas because even with the mark he can't kill his friend.</p><p>He yells louder "Cas stop!!" this works and Cas begins to turn on Dean. With every punch that Cas mindlessly delivers, Dean feels relief. Dean doesn't know why, maybe because he deserves this for what he did to him? Dean barely fights back. </p><p>Rowena began to speak the words to reverse the spell on Castiel. He stops, she finishes and he collapses to the ground convulsing. Dean does not trust Rowena, and Cas looks like he is in bad shape. Dean finds himself wishing he was still being struck by Cas. Anything is better than watching his best friend shake on the ground he feels so bad that he let this happen. Cas is here because he was trying to save Dean, he thinks back to the first time Castiel looked right through him. "you don't think you deserve to be saved" with a head tilt and a stare the angel read him on impact and yet Cas has always tried to save him. </p><p>Castiel stops convulsing, Dean just wants to save him, any way that he can, he is powerless. Hoping with everything inside of him that Rowena wasn't screwing them, that he would be ok. Dean reaches for Castiel's face. He looks lifeless, Dean's heart drops in his stomach he shakes Cas' body then gently scoops his head cupping Cas' cheek into his hand. A moment of true despair washes over Dean, "Cas!"</p><p>Castiel's eyes slowly open to look up at him, his blue eyes made even more intense by the blood lining them, Dean feels a wave of relief wash over his entire body. Cas holds the stare and it feels to Dean like a similar sensation to being healed by Cas. The whole body chills of light for this and those moments everything was ok.</p><p>______________________________________</p><p>Dean brings Cas to his feet, one hand stays holding his head to look at him until he is standing and then Dean cups his face with his other hand not breaking eye contact. It's almost like Dean thinks as long as Castiel eyes meet his, he will feel good, light, warm, he will feel okay.</p><p>Back at the bunker Dean helps Cas through the door, probably not necessary, but it feels like the right thing to do, he guides him to the table and gets him seated. Then Dean gets himself a beer and an ice pack to press on his swollen lip and eye that he had from Castiel's blows.</p><p>Ignoring the feeling to sit with Cas, he sits across the table. He doesn't want to crowd him, and he has always felt if he gets too close Cas will be able to see just how broken inside Dean feels.</p><p>While these thoughts cross his mind Castiel is looking at Dean's wounds and begins to apologize "Dean there aren't words", Dean can't believe that the angel wants to apologize to him, after the beating that Dean gave Cas when he had the mark. Dean refutes the apology immediately and makes sure he knows he was not to blame. </p><p>Cas gets up and leans over the table offering to heal Deans wounds from their fight. Dean immediately refuses, he wants this fat lip and swollen eye they make him feel at ease, he thinks back to Cas under a spell standing tall, bringing Dean to his knees with powerful blows, it felt as though he was punching the bad and the dark right out of him, he wanted to remember this. He wasn't entirely sure but it also seems as though when Cas heals people, he is weakened, if even by a little, it would be too much.</p><p>Dean tells Cas and Sam that Cas is staying in the bunker until he gets better, Dean may not be able to save everyone or take back the things he has done but he will take care of his friend now. </p><p>Cas needed to heal and for Dean that means it was time to watch movies. There are 4 furnished and accessible bedrooms in the bunker, there are a few others but they were filled with clutter from hunts and their dad's storage. One of the open rooms that had been Kevin's just never felt right to be in since he died. One was Sam's, One was Deans, and One was the generic guest bed. </p><p>Dean and Sam's rooms had the best TV's he offered to Cas that he could bring his TV into one of those rooms for Cas to sleep in, but Cas being the angel that he is didn't want them to go without. Sam overhears this and says </p><p>"Hey you guys, I'm pretty beat, I can crash in another room. Cas, you can sleep in my room and watch my TV if you want.".</p><p>Cas respectfully declines and Sam shrugs and heads off to bed, leaving Cas and Dean at the table. Dean is a little annoyed by Sam's offer,  can't Sam see that Dean needs to be the one to be there for Cas? Dean catches himself in this thought and just shakes his head and lets out a small laugh. </p><p>"Cas have you ever seen Tombstone?"<br/>
"The town?"<br/>
Annoyed Dean says "Cas, the movie... Of course you haven't, well we are watching it tonight!"</p><p>Dean is really excited to show Cas this movie and he can't remember the last time he had true downtime with his best friend. Because of the limited TVs in the bunker, Sam and Dean have sat on the same bed before to binge watch game of thrones. So why did having Cas sitting in his bed make him nervous now? Is it because Dean is still convinced if Cas sees him too closely he will see his darkness? He thinks that must be it, and shrugs it off.</p><p>He guides Cas to his room, Cas tentatively sits on the left side of the small single bed still wearing his trench coat. Dean watching this rocks his head back and rolls his eyes.</p><p>"C'mon man get your dirty trench coat off my bed!" Dean shuffles around his room and comes up with a led zeppelin t-shirt and some comfy shorts. "It's called lounge wear Cas, you wear it to feel better".  </p><p>Dean hands Cas the pile.</p><p>"Here, put this on, Oh and and your on the other side by the way" Cas looks apologetic and stands up still in some pain, and starts  changing. The angel has no shame and begins to undress right where he stood up, he strains to pull off his trench coat and Dean steps into help. He slides the coat off of his shoulder and feels his gaze meeting Cas', pausing for a moment Dean drinks in Cas' stare feeling the same sensation as before washing him with warmth, goodness, and peace.</p><p>Dean considers helping him to unbutton his dress shirt but he was having trouble not getting lost in his eyes. He feels like that would certainly be too close. Dean sits on the bed centered but to the left side a little. He finds the controller and begins flipping through to find Tombstone, Cas is in front of the bed and to the left, he has taken his shirt off and began to remove his pants. 

Dean catches himself looking at Cas instead of the TV. He thinks Cas looks really good, than he shakes his head quickly to add to his thought "For someone that has died a bunch." Forcing his gaze back to the TV, his peripheral is picking up a bent angel in bright blue boxers.</p><p>Dean tries to stay focused on the TV then before he knew it, his eyes were back on Cas. Cas had his back to Dean and was pulling up the borrowed ball shorts and had started to move the shirt around in his hands, presumably to find the head hole, Dean watched as Cas did this his shoulders were noticeably strong.</p><p>As Castiel's hands moved his shoulders and other muscles in his back would raise and rotate, Dean caught himself in a moment of admiration. He quickly tried to place this feeling, it was happy, happy that Sam, Cas and Dean were under the same roof, that he was about to watch Tombstone, one of his favorite movies with his best friend, probably favorite person? Not a person Angel! This is a freaking angel in front of him, that ditched heaven for him that saved his life, that heals him...</p><p>Dean was lost in these thoughts and just staring as Cas turned around. Cas is now wearing Dean's worn Zeppelin shirt. He looks more comfortable than Dean remembers ever seeing him. Dean also noticed that his arm muscles fill the shirt out nicely. Cas' eyes catch deans examining him Dean quickly shifts his attention to Cas's eyes. He sees that Cas is smiling subtly through his eyes and they are even brighter now as they pour into Deans.</p><p>Dean can tell Cas is comfortable and happy this makes Dean happy. His favorite angel that has been trying to save him now looks content, he deserves this.. Dean noticeably smiles at Cas and nods his way to show he is excited. Dean also unintentionally lets Cas know he looks good with an accidental raise of his eyebrows. This only widens Cas' smile, working in a feedback loop Dean feels he should try to break this spell or they won't stop.</p><p>Similar to this Dean and Cas have had many stares over the years, most make Dean feel good, worthy of saving and cared about, he appreciated that about Cas. When Dean truly hates himself sometimes just looking at Cas and he can turn that around. Dean is past that now and for this moment truly happy, so naturally needs to look away.</p><p>As Dean starts to speak his words come out softer and more broken then he intended </p><p>"looking good Cas" he turns his eyes quickly to the floor and says in a deeper voice "you ready to see one of my favorite movies?"</p><p>Still looking at the floor but starting to glance up to his TV to navigate to the movie, he sees Cas cross the bed to the right side and while staring straight ahead he feels a surge of every nerve in his body responding to Cas slowly sitting down beside him. The bed was a single so he knew it would be snug, he and Sam had managed to fit comfortably to watch shows before. But with Cas's body being about a half inch from his side, every part of his right side started to tingle and even ache a little, the hairs on his right arm and leg jumped towards Cas.</p><p>Dean began to scramble trying to focus on putting the movie on, and explaining it away thinking it must be some weird angel static Dean smiles and swallows big, and starts the movie, a few seconds in, still a bundle of nerves Dean smiles and nods nervously, he turns to Cas as to do a quick check in before they begin the movie, and Cas looks back at him so deeply that it makes Dean feel like the only human alive.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Tombstone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In this chapter a weakened Cas needs to heal, Dean shows him one of his favorite movies in his room in the bunker. Still a slow burn, but thank you for reading.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Looking straight ahead to the movie now, Dean is not entirely sure why all of his nerves feel so electric. He is about a half inch from Cas and feels his body begging to be a little closer. Shoving the thought out of his mind he focuses on the movie, how cool would it be if he got to wear cowboy hats with Cas? He will get it now having seen this! Dean gets excited and looks over to see Cas' reaction to the movie so far.</p><p>Cas is watching, studying as if he knows it's important, but also seems to be enjoying the movie. Dean thinks about Cas in his Zeppelin shirt, and wonders how much Zeppelin has Cas really listened to? What has Dean already played for him? Without his wings he drives now, does he just drive in silence, Dean thinks that he will not stand for that. He is going to make Cas a tape with his favorite Zeppelin tracks. It's nice because he won't be so bored, and maybe he will think back to tonight in the shirt, and think about him. Dean quickly tries to dismiss the thought. </p><p>Back to watching the movie, Dean starts to think about closing this gap between them, what once felt so close his skin buzzed now feels like a mile away, he decided to get up a bit to shift under the covers just a little shifting could bridge the gap. His plan that he can't even admit to himself has failed. Now they are barricaded apart. Dean begins to beat himself up and make excuses as to why he wanted it in the first place. He isn't Gay and Cas is like a brother to him, more attractive than his brother and not realated, but family none the less.</p><p>Cas interrupts Deans internal crisis, with his head cooked he asked<br/>"should we be eating popcorn? Isn't that what people do during movie nights? "</p><p>Dean is so relieved <br/>"Yes Cas, I will go make us popcorn "</p><p>Dean can move away a bit now and prepare popcorn. He could not stay in that barricade with him above and Dean below the blanket. He needs some control back, when he returns he can put some space between them, so that angel static doesn't mess with him. He tells Cas to wait where he is and heads to the kitchen. </p><p>He puts the popcorn into the microwave and begins to think and pace. Being this close to anyone is terrifying. Cas is his best friend he gave up an army for Dean, Dean thinks of this and all of the jokes about Cas being interested in him and thinks how incredibly flattered he would be if that was the case, he can't help but smile at the thought how if there were a dude he would want to close to, to touch to be gay for, it would be Cas. Sam would probably be cool about it too, hell they worked together to save Dean. Sam is always telling him to find a hunter who understands. Dean reminds himself that he is not gay and neither is Cas, Cas likes chicks and banged that reaper. Plus Dean thinks Cas would deserve way better than him.</p><p>He paces some more waiting for the beep still mind racing, what kind of person should Cas be with, he thinks about him with an angel, a hot angel girl with long brown hair, he hates it and decides nope angels are Dicks. A human, maybe he could find a nice girl for Cas to end up with, he deserves to be loved and happy. Dean would never expect to be in that sort of thing, not anymore, but he wants it for Cas. He begins to picture Cas smiling, laughing with a human chick, her praying to him to summon him to her, the thought has Dean's heart racing out of his chest. He wants that for Cas but can't stand to think about it for even a minute. He actually gets mad thinking about calling Cas but he is too busy being prayed to by someone else.</p><p>Dean in the middle of the kitchen, pulled the popcorn out of the microwave his whole body feeling shook thinking about it.</p><p>He couldn't think of logistics of any of it, he cannot stand the idea of not being Cas' favorite human, the thought of that upsets him to his core. He is approaching the room Cas is in his shirt, in his bed, his heart is racing from the things going on in his head. He tries his best to pull it together.</p><p>He best turns out to be pretty good as he stops freaking out long enough to say in a very cool collected way</p><p>"Hey stand up a sec"<br/>Cas looks at Dean, sort of confused, but does it.<br/>Dean lifts the covers and folds the corner down.<br/>"Here sit back down and hold this."<br/>Dean gives Cas the popcorn and he sits down, Dean shuts the door to the room, walks to his side of the bed, sits down, gestures to Cas to hold the popcorn up a bit Cas does but is now wearing an almost smug look on his face. Dean acts slightly annoyed as he pulls the covers over both of their laps and wiggles for comfort knowingly and purposefully placing his entire right side alongside and touching Cas'.</p><p>Cas seems to not be affected by Dean sitting with him like this. Dean keeps thinking of the ways he would have to draw the line in the sand if Cas wanted to progress things, and now Dean just feels like a dick, planning ways to stop something he started? he thought, now he is just upset, who said closeness is only for couples, his skin needed this, his body craved affection, human touch, and closeness. He is starting to feel foolish, he got his hopes up that Cas wanted to be closer to him. He will just have to accept one day Cas will be on earth with a wife, and Dean will just be an old hunter in need of some healing that Cas may or may not come to give him.</p><p>The thought makes him mad again and he darts his head to look at Cas, Cas Slowly moves his head to look at Dean. Dean started with an annoyed expression at the scenario he made up in his own mind, then saw Cas and his face immediately softened, they were close maybe 5 inches away, Dean couldn't help but look down from Cas' eyes to his lips, then back to his eyes. Cas smiles a little and holds Dean's stare just long enough that Dean is sure they are going to kiss, and Dean is ready, scared, excited and still thinks he will pull away. Dean considers initiating and pauses again thinking Cas may not think of him that way.. Just then Cas' smile fades he says</p><p>"My apologies, personal space."<br/>With that Cas scoots replacing the distance between them. Dean gives up and focuses on the movie, Castiel is not into him after all. They talk about other shows, and movies, Dean rattles off a list of things Cas needs to see, including the wire.<br/>Dean falls asleep.</p><p>Dean dreams of the darkness and light, of cold and warm, of Amara and Cas. They seem to battle for space in his dream, they both fade but it's bright and he is warm. Before he opens his eyes he feels true comfort. He wakes up on Castiel's chest, face pressed against his own Zeppelin shirt, he looks up to see Cas simply allowing it while flipping through the choices on Netflix. </p><p>Dean collects himself and realizes that he gave Cass his usual lounge shorts, so he goes for that back of the closet look. </p><p>"Hey Cas do you need anything? I think I wanna go check with Sam and wash Baby"</p><p>"I am fine Dean, do you want me to keep using your TV, or move into another room?"</p><p>Dean was okay that Cas wasn't interested in him the way he had hoped and feared, this means Dean just needs to get over it, and it's easy for him to compartmentalize.<br/>"Cas you should be wherever you are comfortable I just want you to rest up." <br/>Cas smiles and nods in a salute back to Dean.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Baby</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Alright well were getting into it now, I won't tell you how many rewatches I did to make sure this could slide into the existing story in Season 11 after the episode Baby. I do want to say that I am writing this about Dean getting over his hurtles and discovering his sexualty. So if it reads dismissive don't worry he is gonna come around. Thank you for joining me on this head canon ride.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sam and Dean wash Baby. Dean lets Sam know how restless he feels without exact details. Dean suggests to Sam that they go out on a hunt, if he can just hunt he will forget about the angel in his shirt and in his bed.</p><p>The hunt was a milk run, Warepires, that turned out to be ghoulpires and they talk to Cas on the phone while they are gone at least 4 times. The first time he calls, Sam suggests Cas go in his room and watch netflix. This is a relief to Dean, having an angel laying in your bed and watching your TV is totally normal, though if he is being honest with himself sorta hopes Cas will stay in his bed.. </p><p>While driving Sam starts asking Dean if he wants more, not Marriage but a relationship, maybe with a hunter.  Dean tries his best to move along the conversation, dismissing that it would happen for him. He thinks he couldn't imagine getting close with anyone outside of Sam and Cas. </p><p>He doesn't think of Cas that way, and Cas may not think of anyone that way, or atleast Dean hopes that's the case. At least this way they can be alone, but together when Sam inevitably pairs off with someone. </p><p>After they finish saving the people and hunting the things Dean tells Sam that they should go to the bunker and Sam should let Cas heal him, Sam agrees, but only if Dean gets healed too. Dean reluctantly agrees, but he doesn't want Cas to waste his mojo on him. </p><p>Back at the bunker Cas is still in his shirt, but has made it to sitting at the table. Cas heals Sam without being asked, Sam thanks him and then makes his way upstairs to shower.</p><p>Once Sam leaves it gets quiet for a minute Dean busies himself to make a sandwich still covered in evidence of battle from the hunt. He glances over at Cas and feels warm comfort, he thinks of what it felt like to wake up on him, then his stomach churns as he remembers Cas scooting away.</p><p>His back to Cas now cutting bread to assemble a sandwich and he feels a warm presence behind him. He turns around in time to see Cas placing fingers on to his forehead. All Dean can notice is his back is against the table and Cas is only about 8 inches from him with his entire body. The healing touches tingles through his entire body, he feels clean now too, clean from darkness and clean from the trip he just took, it's amazing how easily he can do that. With Cas' fingers still on Dean's forehead Dean blurts out on accident </p><p>"Cas I don't need personal space from you."</p><p>With this Cas smiles and steps forward about another 2 inches, their bodies almost touching now.<br/>
Dean can barely handle the tingling from the healing and from Cas being so close. It's coming from inside and outside of him and he is having a hard time not being turned on by this.</p><p>Dean finally accepts that he wants Cas close, he is not Gay, but for Cas he thinks getting close feels right, he still likes girls, but he is delighted to think of an ending where he and Cas are best friends, and sit close and have eachother. Before he can dwell on that thought Cas has finished healing him and returns to sit at the table.</p><p>Dean hates the feeling of him walking away, and is determined to enjoy his company while he can.<br/>
"Cas you wanna watch more movies tonight?"<br/>
"Dean, you know I always enjoy our time together."<br/>
With that Dean is overwhelmed with relief, Dean can just be close with him now, that's all he wants anyway, just to be close to his best friend. He finishes eating his sandwich and talking about the darkness a bit. It feels a little weird to talk about the darkness with Cas, like there's a fork in the road, one side leading to Cas and the other to the darkness.</p><p>They head upstairs again and Cas goes immediately to the right side and under the covers. Dean is delighted, he has a spot and he is in it, Dean grabs the remote and sits next to Cas this time ensuring that his entire right side is touching Cas. Dean smiles so big about it that it prompts a reaction from Cas.<br/>
Cas looks over to him, head cooked to the side and says<br/>
"Dean you look happy"<br/>
Dean responds<br/>
"I am freaking happy man, I know we need a plan to fight the darkness, but right now you me and Sam, safe in the bunker, together, this makes me happy."<br/>
Cas ponders all Dean has said and nods his head and looks to the TV to see what Dean has planned. Dean hasn't thought that far ahead, he knew he wanted Cas in his bed, he knew he wanted to be close with him. These thoughts have him too distracted to choose a movie. Finally after flipping through Netflix a bit he asks Cas.<br/>
"Do you wanna start the wire?"<br/>
"The television program you were talking about last night?"<br/>
"Yes, you're in for it now." Dean says delighted.<br/>
They sit watching, Dean still wanting to be closer, but not sure how, every part of him that is touching Cas feels warm, tingling, he wants more, and is not sure how to get it. Looking over to the nightstand on the other side he spots it, his ticket to getting just a little closer, the alarm, he will reach over Cas to turn it off. Dean still can't organize his feelings, he pushes so many things down and tries not to think of his motivation. </p><p>He starts with his right arm reaching for the clock he turns his entire body to face Cas, his chest now touching Cas's arm, his junk now firmly against Cas' leg, his face only inches from Cas', he makes direct eye contact with Cas as he fumbles for the button on the alarm. Their eyes locked in closeness Dean looks to Cas' lips, for a second then back to getting lost in his eyes, this is it, he is so fucking close, Cas seems perfectly content with no objections. </p><p>Dean thinks about kissing Cas, nope shouldn't do that, he thinks maybe there is a way to suggest they both take their shirts off, this way he can feel the warm humming of his skin touching him. "Fuck" Dean screams in his head and he can feel his cock has begun to jab Cas in the leg. "Fuck fuck fuck" this is a fucked up thing to do to your favorite Angel, your best friend! Dean starts to pull away and just as he does Cas puts a hand on his shoulder and says firmly<br/>
"It's fine Dean"<br/>
Dean's thoughts are racing, what's fine? Stabbing your friend with your boner is fine? Is it fine because he likes it or because he feels bad that Dean has started to develop some strange urges. Nothing Cas could say would make Dean suddenly be able to wrestle these feelings, he jumps up and tells Cas he will make popcorn and be back.</p><p>Pacing in the kitchen he plays back in his mind "It's fine Dean" he has now convinced himself Cas said this out of pity to save him the embarrassment. Cas would never want Dean to feel bad, he just tolerates Dean's desire to be close because he is a good friend. Dean decides with the popcorn he will go back and just stay a decent distance away, he thinks about the size of the bed. if he goes all the way to his side he should be able to put 4 inches or so between them. Confident with the plan he marches back to the room with popcorn in hand.</p><p>Confused, frustrated and terrified Dean sits next to Cas on the bed with his bowl of popcorn.Sitting upright and stiff Dean keeps a good distance between them. Cas staring intently at the Wire on Netflix, he has made it to about the 3rd episode, Dean has seen it all and is having trouble focusing on it. Instead Dean's mind races….</p><p>Thinking of when he beat Cas to a pulp, how much of a relief each blow from Cas felt when Cas was under a spell. Why he's so angry. Now he is just mad at himself for letting the darkness out. Thinking of all of the people that have died, and recently because he wanted to be rid of that stupid mark, he is mad at Cas and Sam for prioritizing him over the freaking world. He is so angry.<br/>
Lost in this thought his face begins to burn he feels the familiar facial ache of tears trying to fall, why was he so broken?</p><p>Just as he is thinking all of these thoughts a strong hand crosses his chest and grabs his shoulder firmly. It's Cas and he is making eye contact with Dean. The hand feels like a warm comfort, that Dean doesn't feel he deserves. He should be on another planet wasting away. At least then the world could be safe, he feels so selfish. </p><p>The dam breaks and big burning tears hurt as they pour out of his face. He had not noticed but Cas had paused the show and was holding Deans gaze as he broke down in front of him. Dean's stomach was aching with embarrassment, sadness, and fear. He couldn't stop the tears now flowing faster and harder down his face. </p><p>Cas still with a firm hand on dean's shoulder pressed his forehead firmly against Dean's, and as if he could feel Deans pain </p><p>"You deserve to be saved, you deserve to be ok, and you deserve to feel."</p><p>With that he pulls Dean into a hug, still on the bed the began to intertwine into a comforting position. Dean feels like Cas should judge him, he is weak, broken, Cas should hate him for everything, thinking of this makes the tears flow harder. Cas holds him tighter as Dean lets out his fear, sadness and pain all onto Castiel's shoulder. Dean feels such shame about this but Cas' grip has not wavered, he is not letting Dean go and he doesn't want him to feel this pain alone. Dean can't stop punishing himself for being so weak, and all over Cas. Cas deserved more.</p><p>"Dean you ARE strong, these feelings come from a place of STRENGTH. If you didn't feel you wouldn't be Dean Winchester and I wouldn't have chosen to fall from grace for you, to SAVE the world. It WILL work out, I know it. I have faith... Faith in you"</p><p>With those words coming from Cas he feels the dark scared parts of himself fading, was Cas using powers to pull these fears from him? Is this what support feels like? He has always had Sam, but for Sam HE had to be strong, be big brother Dean. </p><p>Cas is here holding him and telling him it's okay to feel weak, this was a first, and what a relief. Why would Cas do this for him, why was Cas still around fighting and dying for Dean, he felt he didn't deserve this, but Cas said that he did. Cas thinks he deserves this, Cas who has seen every bad ugly part of Dean has stuck around.</p><p>Cas touches his forehead.</p><p>With that Deans tears dry and his face is now back to its pre teared state. Dean leans up to look at Cas, big deep blue eyes staring back at him, thoughtfully, making him feel ok, warm but still, in Dean's mind Cas must just be tolerant of him. He has no other choice, he bet on this horse long ago and is seeing it through. No one could love Dean, not the real Dean, except Sam, but he HAS to. Dean just stares into Castiel's deep blue eyes while his shoulder is being held firmly. Dean has no idea what he wants from this, he just knows that he needs Cas.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Lizzy Borden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This takes place around the next episode in season 11. I am really excited about this one! I was a little buzzed doing the editing, but it may have made it better? IDK I am INTO it lol. Bare with me I am just so excited people are checking this out and I wanted to get you guys some of the good stuff as soon as possible. I am happy for feedback As I am still learning. I have 3 more written just need editing and as long as you guys want I will keep going.</p>
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    <p>Dean drifts off in Cas' arms for what feels like a moment but when his eyes adjust he sees Cas is on episode 7 of the wire, Dean doesn't want to but shifts gently away from Cas he hates the feeling but has no idea what his plan would be. Just stay in Cas' arms? Make Cas pity hold him while he cries. </p><p>He is embarrassed about what happened but Cas seems unaffected. Just the angelic duties of a best friend? A shoulder to cry on.... That's it these mixed feelings about Cas are all just a need to vent out this hurt, its therapy and Cas is a good friend. Dean also figures he just needs to get laid soon, that explains why he stabbed his angel in the leg, it all makes sense now. He continues to watch the show with Cas, making small talk. Cas doesn't bring anything up, he is a good friend. </p><p>They watch a few more episodes before Dean drifts off again. </p><p>Morning is here and he wakes up feeling a weight has been lifted, the darkness is still inside him, but Cas sees it, is still here for him. He believes they can get rid of it, that's enough to put Dean in a good mood. He looks over to Cas, he seems content still watching TV Dean pats him on the leg as a friendly thank you and heads to check on Sam. </p><p>But first coffee.</p><p>Sam is at the table nerding out about a Lizzie Borden's house that has had murders lately. Dean, annoyed , realizes that Sam just wants to go because he is a serial killer dork. Dean is surprised that Sam hasn't said anything about Cas… in his bed... </p><p>He thinks he will test the waters</p><p>Dean asks "What about Cas?" Expecting Sam to say something so he doesn't have to go to this house, Dean doesn't really want to leave, but he can't just lay in bed with Cas all day, even though for a moment the thought does please him…</p><p>Without skipping a beat Sam tells Dean that Cas is on season 2 of the wire. Sam must have checked in on Cas while Dean was getting coffee or in the bathroom. Dean couldn't argue, what was he gonna say, </p><p>"Oh yeah I would like to stay here and cry on him all day while he watches' ' Dean shakes out the thought and agrees to go.</p><p>They save the people and hunt the things at the Lizzie Borden house, when they get a lead on Amara. Sam suggests they call Cas to bring him off the bench, Dean hates this, he wants Cas to rest but he reluctantly agrees. Talking to Cas he can hear that he is now watching trash TV.  Dean jokes with him about it and he responds </p><p>"Man can not live on caviar alone." Dean chuckles at this and thinks if only...</p><p>Sam and Dean find where Amara is and Dean is ready, he wants to end her to end the darkness in him. Maybe things could be different, better if he wasn't tied to the dark….. He is ready.</p><p>Dean comes close to the young girl version of the darkness, she saves him from Crowley, and she is just a teen. He thinks about piercing her with his blade, she smugly implies he can't because they are connected. Maybe it's the connection, maybe it's the fact she is just a kid! He thinks about Cas and Sam watching him stab this young girl. He can't….. He won't…. He just freezes.</p><p>They make it back home to find out that Cas found Metatron and let him go. Mad at himself for not murdering Amara he lashes out and yells at Cas. He justifies himself by thinking, what if Metatron hurt Cas again? How can he be so stupid. After Dean lashes out at Cas, and he snaps back, Sam leaves the room. Dean is so mad, so scared his eyes are fixed over the table to Cas. Cas with a challenging stare looks back to Dean, they hear Sam walk upstairs and Dean moves to Cas' side of the table. He looks directly into his eyes and like venom spitting from his mouth he says</p><p>"You shouldn't have bitched out!" as if he was speaking to himself the words burned him and he could see they hurt Cas. Cas, exasperated took off to go research about Gaza in the bunker files.<br/>
Dean, still pissed off, prepares himself a drink, and then a second, and then a third...</p><p>He can't place his anger, why was he so mad at Cas, why did he feel compelled to go yell at Cas some more, he couldn't analyze his feelings anymore, he was done he was going to take his frustration out on his friend. He stumbles up to stand, the effects of slamming those drinks now apparent; he staggers a bit but his stride corrects, now with determination he heads to the room that Cas walked off to. </p><p>The door was ajar, he shoves it open and struts in  slamming it behind him. This was the one of the rooms behind the library that held files. "Why had he come in here?" Dean thought. Dean was sure that Cas was disappointed in him, hell he was disappointed in himself. He would never admit it but wanted to prove it, he wanted Cas to make him feel bad "Cas what do you think you're doing?".</p><p>Cas is confused for a moment, then frustrated by this line of questioning. He puts down the files and walks closer to where Dean stands, ignoring his personal space and with a stern look tells him..</p><p>"You are not mad at me Dean, you are mad at yourself. I want to help you, but you don't want to be helped, so you push me away." </p><p>He is so close to Dean's face, Dean can feel his words, they feel like the punches Cas hit down on him while he was under the spell. All Dean could hear was "Push him away..". Dean doesn't want to push him away, he can't, he doesn't want to be without him, his body reacts to these feelings before he does. He grabs Cas by the face, Cas is surprised by this… confused. Dean presses his forehead against Cas' and whispers</p><p>"I don't want to push you away" ....."I don't want to lose you"<br/>
Cas backs his face up just a bit and cocks his head up. He gently pulls Dean's chin up so that their eyes meet and says earnestly...</p><p>"You won't lose me Dean."</p><p>Dean's eyes now worried, darting between Cas' eyes, and his lips nervously. Cas is just holding position with his chin tilted towards Dean. His expression is gentle but firm. Cas' eyes slowly drift to Dean's lips and that is all Dean can take.<br/>
He goes for it. Eager but gently he presses his lips against Cas'. Cas pulls back for a second to see the confirmation in Dean's eyes. Dean is a little shaken when Cas pulls away, but then before he can think, Cas shoves them both against the filing cabinet similar to the Pizza Man but kinder. Cas kisses Dean sweetly waiting for Dean's tongue to enter his mouth before he reciprocates. </p><p>Lost in the kiss Dean feels Castiel's member pressing into his leg, he hates that he has never been this turned on. Still kissing against the cabinet, they both shift to move their groins as close to parallel as they can manage. They are both hardened by this. Castiel can now taste the liquor in Dean's mouth, he slows down and cups Dean's face and hesitating for a moment says... </p><p>"You're drunk" He begins to pull away.<br/>
Dean frustrated claps back..<br/>
"So?" </p><p>"So maybe you should get some rest." </p><p>Dean is pissed and huffs out of the room and heads to his room. In his room he looks over to his bed, to where the angel was holding him just last night. Still drunk he falls into bed. He starts replaying the kiss in his mind and before he can stop his hand wanders down the his still hard parts and he relieves himself. Even after the relief he was frustrated, he was upset that Cas stopped him. That he didn't want him to.. Did Cas not want to regret something? Is it because he is no more into dudes than Dean is? Is it because he knows how broken Dean is? All of these thoughts swirl around to taunt Dean. He eventually remembers, he was not the only one to get hard by the kiss, this thought gave him some solace and he was able to get some rest.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Plush</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This takes place after episode 11-7 Plush no need for rewatch just listing for context. Cas is still living at the bunker. Thank you for reading❤</p>
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    <p>Dean wakes about 5 hours later, he walks the halls of the bunker and sees Sam praying and he has to call him out on it! He follows Sam to the command table where he sees a table full of research. Cas must have stayed up all night and went through every archive to find information about Gaza. Which Dean isn't sure how to feel about. Before he has time to think about the library, and the things that happened there, he is surprised to get a call from Donna. She needs help! Dean quickly gets a visual on Cas, he is reading from an old manuscript in the guest room. Dean briefly and awkwardly lets him know about the case that he and Sam are going to go work and leaves it at that.</p><p>They save the people, hunt the things and even do a little match making. On their way home Sam talks to Dean about the visions he has been having about the cage. This terrifies Dean at his core to even talk about. Lucifer is like a guarantee he will lose his brother, he can't think about it, he can't even consider it. He shuts Sam down as soon as he can and they make their way back to the bunker. </p><p>At the Bunker Dean tries to find Cas, he is not there, Dean starts to worry but calls his cell. Cas answers and lets him know he will be back shortly, Dean tells him he wants to see him when he gets back...</p><p>Dean is worried about Sam, about Cas, he jumps in the shower to begin processing. Sam is so hell bent on getting dead talking to Lucifer, he wants to be mad, but he is just scared. He tries to think of something else as the hot water pours over him. "Cas, in the library, with the candlestick", he thinks and starts to chuckle at his own joke, getting a little turned on without thinking he begins to relieve himself, but before he can finish he hears the sounds of grocery bags rustling and a familiar voice.<br/>
"Dean"<br/>
"C--Cas, come in…. well to the room not the.."</p><p>It was too late, Cas followed the request and now was facing the shower. The shower door is clear glass and Dean is startled when he looks over to see a trench coat holding what looked like a grocery bag. </p><p>Dean hurried up to get a towel around himself, he was still hard from thoughts about the library, in fact he could have came when Cass called his name if he wasn't so startled. </p><p>Dean now wrapped in a towel using another to dry his head steps toward Cas, seeing him now brings a smile to his face. He grabs some shorts and returns to the bathroom to put them on. Dean goes and sits on his side of the bed. Cas tentatively sits on the other side. </p><p>Cas asks how the hunt went and Dean gives him the highlights. Dean asks him what's in the bag? Cas looking embarrassed pulls out one of the items, it was a packaged pie. Dean chuckles at the irony, he was really hungry and pie sounded awesome! Cas also pulled out a plastic fork so Dean was able to begin devouring the pie immediately. </p><p>With a full mouth Dean catches up with Cas about the day. Things were easy, nothing was said about the library, which relieved Dean as he was not ready to really think about it. Dean finishes eating and slips under the covers. Relaxed from their talk and the pie, he begins to confide in Cas. He tells him about his fears about Sam, Lucifer, and the cage.</p><p>"I don't know man, what if somehow he is right, what if it's the only way. I can't lose Sam again, I can't." </p><p>Dean's voice breaks as he chokes on his words Cas removes his coat, and jacket. Dean is upset, but this pleases him. Cas rolls up his sleeves and sits on the side of Dean. He puts a firm hand on Dean's bare shoulder and says...</p><p>"It's going to be ok, we will find a way to beat this." </p><p>Cas' words wash over him like a wave of relief, he feels suddenly calm. He is not sure how Cas does it. His voice feels like a familiar song that comforts Dean. He can move on for a moment to let his mind wander, he can't help but wonder what else is in that bag?</p><p>With a raised eyebrow Dean asks..</p><p>"Cas what else is in the bag?"</p><p>Cas fumbles with the bag and moves it to the side. "I made some other purchases for myself"</p><p>"Uh huh" Dean doesn't buy it, he lounges for the bag. Cas is displeased but doesn't do much to stop it.</p><p>Dean opens the generic plastic thankyou bag to find Busty Asian beauties, lube and tissues. </p><p>"These are for you? Why Cas, I didn't know you read this too. " Dean is playfully teasing him.</p><p>Cas is not amused, and seems a little embarrassed. Dean is nervous, but for other reasons. All he is wearing are shorts and Cas is on his bed. They have porn and lube.. Dean feels like may start freaking out, before he can spiral Cas gets up to grab his coat. He says he is going to go in another room for a while. He places the items back in the bag and begins to take them with him on his way out the door.</p><p>Dean stops thinking, and blurts out..<br/>
"Woah! Where are you going?"<br/>
Cas seems annoyed now..</p><p>"I am going to let you rest Dean!"</p><p>"Man! Just come back here, let's watch something."<br/>
Cas reluctantly down next to Dean, </p><p>With a smirk Dean says<br/>
"Hate to do this to you, but would you mind?"<br/>
He points to the Zeppelin shirt and shorts that he wore before, now neatly folded on a table in the room. </p><p>Cas changes as Dean watches. When he finishes he stands near the bed. Dean gives him the look to join him already, and lifts the blanket. Cas moves under the blanket and as close to the edge of the bed as he can. Dean throws on a cowboy movie he has already seen and scoots closer to Cas. He moves until his entire body is pressed against him. </p><p>Cas smiles and reaches an arm around Dean.  He uses his other hand to gently lift Deans chin again. After a deep stare, Dean hesitantly kisses him. This time is more gentle and soft than before. Dean slowly moves his hand to rub over Cas' muscular back, feeling just the thin T-shirt separating him from skin. Thinking about this, he begins to tighten a grip on Cas' back. Cas has his arm around Dean and is gripping his shoulder, his other hand moves down from Dean's chin to rub his bare chest, then slowly slides around to Dean's back. Cas pulls Dean deeper into the kiss, deeper into him. </p><p>They are fully laying down now pulling at each other to get closer. Dean feels his whole body is tingling with electricity. This felt so good to Dean that he didn't even have time to question anything. Angel with benefits, why not?</p><p>As they paw and tug at each other, still lost in the kiss, Dean feels Cas's hand is now gently grazing him. This sends a shock wave through his entire body, he was not ready! After a few more grazes Dean turns to putty, he could cum right now. Dean forces focus because he wants to give back, he had never considered that he would want to touch another dude's dick so bad, but he does, he needs to. He mirrors Cas' movements and grazes his fingers over Cas' member. He is even more turned on and validated to feel how hard Cas is too. </p><p>They stay kissing, groping, and mirroring each other, until Cas reaches into Dean's shorts… He pulls Dean's cock past the fabric and feels that his head is wet with precum. Cas rubs his thumb in a circle over it. Dean follows suit and thinks this is about 1000× hotter than jerking off. Cas begins to tug him and Dean's eyes roll into the back of his head.</p><p>Cas stops for a moment and turns to shuffle through the bag. Dean is sure he could die from anticipation. Cas is back and begins to coat both of their cocks in lube.</p><p>Dean lets out a quite but breathy<br/>
"Son of a bitch"</p><p>Dean can feel the back of his brain tingle as Cas begins to stroke them together, the feel of them pressed together is unlike anything Dean has ever imagined and he can barely hold back from exploding. He is surprised at how good Cas is at this; he has to stop kissing him to catch his breath. He pulls his head back for a moment to meet Cas' eyes. Cas looks back at Dean his face is determined but he also looks like he is about to lose it. They press foreheads together and hold eye contact. Two firm strokes later they both explode in a sticky mess between them.</p><p>No sooner was the mess created, it vanishes.<br/>
Is this what its like to fuck an angel? Dean wonders. They stay foreheads pressed together breathing each other in. Dean drifts off and wakes up periodically a few times. Each time he is pleased to find he is still wrapped up in Castiel. Finally at around 7 am he wakes and wants a snack. He grabs a shirt, puts a robe on and heads downstairs, still feeling blissful from his experience with Cas.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Castifer Rising</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This takes place between 11-8 and 11-10.  This will not be as fluffy, but it is nessisary. </p><p>Much of it is a recap looking at what I would argue is definitive proof that something was going on in the scenes we don't see.. </p><p>This interpretation gets even more indisputable in the next chapter. I can't tell you how many notes were taken to make sure that this can slide effortlessly into the story. </p><p>Thank you for reading.</p>
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    <p>Dean walks down to the kitchen wearing his robe and a smile, he is refusing to think too much about what was going on between him and Cas. When he stumbles on Sam yelling at an invisible man, he then notices sweet treats and marshmallow covered nachos on the table. Sam was now pinning the invisible man to the wall. The man revealed himself and Dean was annoyed to find out it was Sam's Imaginary friend from childhood here to ask for help on a hunt.</p><p>Dean did not want to go on a hunt right now, he couldn't be more annoyed to leave the Angel in his bed alone. Unfortunately he doesn't have a good excuse of why not to go, so he and Sam head out.</p><p>During a bizarre hunt with the Zana Dean sees  several sparkly and flamboyant men, this makes him uncomfortable. Dean has always had pride in his masculinity, and even though he has softened over the years he was not ready to see himself as a guy that wants to bang other guys, he just wasn't. He had that thought in mind on the drive home when Sam brought up going into the cage. Dean drew the line and demanded that they would find another way.</p><p>Back at the bunker they get in late and Dean can't think about Cas, he is too scared of what that could mean about him. Maybe he can just keep his distance and these urges will go away. As these thoughts are racing in his mind he runs into Cas in the hall of the bunker. His heart drops, he hates this. Dean, not knowing what to do, just stares nervously and Cas responds with an understanding look. Dean can't think of what to say to him... and even though he hates it, he goes to his room alone to fall asleep.</p><p>He wakes up alone, his bed feels empty but he just pushes past the thought. He finds Sam in the kitchen, who tells him Cas left this morning after going on a walk with him. This freaks Dean out. He tries pouring a drink to help calm his nerves. Sipping the drink he wonders where Cas went, what they could have talked about? Dean wasn't being exactly careful to hide what was going on from Sam, and he certainly wasn't ready to deal with any of it. In his mind he is still very straight, and Cas is just tolerating his human weakness. </p><p>Sam told Dean that he had asked Cas to talk with him about Lucifer and after talking, Cas went off on his own. Sam goes on to tell Dean about his visions. Dean hates this and is sure that it is all bullshit he was already in a bad mood and this is just passing him off. </p><p>Dean's face drops when Sam says that Lucifer touched him and he felt calm. That's the same effect Cas has on him… He hates hearing that Sam is feeling that with Lucifer. Was this angel power? Maybe that's why he felt so physically drawn to Cas? Sam goes on to describe the burning bush and plead his case. Dean still hates it but does agree to go talk with Crowley about it.</p><p>They then meet with Rowena to talk about how they will set this meeting up, Dean still hates her for what she did to Cas. Dean leaves to go to investigate the massacre at the church. Outside its doors he can feel the darkness. He walks past the hot dog stand in front of the church and is teleported by Amara to a clearing. She reaches out for him, flirts with him and he feels the darkness inside him being drawn to her. Every time he feels drawn to her he remembers its the dark, bad, evil inside of him that craves her. He is so upset with her for hurting the people in the town, and in the church.</p><p>She says she wants to bring bliss to the world, and that it's the bliss that Dean feels when he is around her, but that's not what Dean feels, she acts as an amplified mirror to his inner darkness. Dean waits as she goes on about how she wants to become God.</p><p>He had heard enough, Knowing it probably wouldn't work but needing to try, he thrusts a knife into her, but it disintegrates on impact. She grabs Deans face and he is sure she is going to suck out his soul, she kisses him instead. The last person he had kissed was Cas. Dean is feeling it is a point he needed to prove to himself, he kisses back.</p><p>It feels cold and hollow. He feels like he is sliding into the darkness. For a moment he remembers the light that he feels with Cas and it helps him to pull away. She goes on to talk about their connection. Dean hates this, its connection to dark, he doesn't want it.</p><p>Three angels arrive to smite Amara, she has already said that she CAN'T hurt Dean and blasts him away.</p><p>Dean is disoriented, and shows up back by the hotdog stand, he gets in his car and heads to the blast sight.  He calls Cas to tell him where he will be and heads to where the blast was, even more disoriented and now nauseous he pulls over to throw up. Cas has perfect timing as usual, he finds Dean who is now throwing up on the side of the road. Cas immediately tends to him and explains that it was smiting sickness that has him feeling this way. With Dean OK Cas goes to see if Amara was gone.</p><p>While this is going on, Lucifer is trying to convince Sam to be his vessel. The warding around the cage failed and Sam was pulled into the cage where it was revealed that Lucifer was sending the visions to Sam all along. </p><p>Cas runs into Amara and watches her kill another angel. She blasts Castiel to Dean with a message after painfully carving it into his chest. She then doubles over weakened. </p><p>Before Cas arrives Dean had phoned him to say that he is going to Hell to find Sam. When Cas arrives the message on his chest says "I am coming" A few moments after Cas meets with Dean they hear Lucifer beating Sam.</p><p>Charging around the corner to help they are pulled into the cage with Lucifer. Lucifer beats them down while explaining why he needs a vessel to defeat Amara. He goes on like this until they are all so battered they stopped getting up.. He grabs Dean and threatens to kill him if Sam doesn't say yes. Cas musters up the energy to tackle him and keep him distracted, now receiving the majority of the blows. Lucifer asks Castiel once more if he would be his vessel, and Cas asks if he would really beat Amara? He says</p><p>"Yes"</p><p>Cas has been thinking about this since Dean first told him Sam wanted to talk with Lucifer, he would rather take this burden than have Sam do it. Sam was his friend, and more importantly if anything were to happen to Sam, Dean's darkness may overcome him. Castiel says </p><p>"Yes".</p><p>Sam and Dean are unaware that Cas said yes, and as the three of them walk towards the Impala Dean checks to make sure that Cas is alright. Castifer tells Dean that he will be and that he is going to catch up. Dean has had a hell of a day and can't dwell on it, but this annoys him. </p><p>A few days pass and he doesn't hear from Cas. Dean wonders, what he is doing? Where is he? And why had he left.. Then he thinks back to the hallway and going to bed alone. He is now pretty sure that Cas is just giving him space. He justifies that after some time apart they can just go back to best friends Dean and Cas, without the extra curricular activities. This frustrates and saddens him, but pushes it down to look for a hunt. He is sure that keeping busy will fix the way he feels.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Into the Mystical</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>For the others it didn't really mater but for this Chapter I would highly recommend watching at least the Dean/Castifer scenes and the last 5 minutes of Season 11 episode 11 after or before reading. It was one of the main motivations to tell this story. I hope you are enjoying what I belive to have really happened on the show. Love you guys more to come soon!</p>
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    <p>Dean finds a case at a nursing home near the bunker and it turns out to be a Banshee. Being close to the bunker is convenient because Dean needs to go home for a gold blade. He heads back to the bunker and finds, who he belives to be Cas, tearing up one of the file rooms. </p><p>When confronted Castifer tells him that he is trying to find a way to stop Amara. Dean is put off by Cas, nothing about him feels normal right now. Castifer says that he "had Amara in his sights" and that "he couldn't take her out." Dean, surprised and scared that Cas had gotten near her, is now worried for his safety.  He puts his doubts aside and talks with Castifer about Amara.</p><p>Dean feels wrong doing it, but if they really are going to push past this and be friends, then he should be honest. He tells Castifer that he is attracted to Amara. Saying it to him hurts Dean more than it appears to hurt Cas. Dean goes on to say that it scares him and he is not sure if he can stop it. Expecting a different reaction, Dean is surprised when Castifer puts a cold hard hand on his shoulder and tells him this could be a good thing.</p><p>Sam calls and he needs help on the case. Dean heads back and still feels off about his talk with Cas.</p><p>Back at the retirement home he talks with Mildred while they wait for the banshee. She tells him that the secret to a happy life is to follow your heart. Dean laughs it off at the time.. </p><p>They are able to save her and hunt the thing. On the way out Mildred tells him she knows when someone is pining for someone else and that he should follow his heart.</p><p>Back at the bunker he sits down with Sam at the table, Sam asks about Cas, and Dean doesn't know where he went but he is gone.. He still feels weird from his talk with him before. Dean tells Sam something felt off with Cas, in an attempt to see if Sam had noticed. Sam of course had no idea.</p><p>Later that night Dean was laying in his bed off to the side with room for another still open beside him. His room felt cold and dark, that's how he felt around Amara. He was attracted to her but he didn't want to be. Staring at the ceiling he thinks back to the warmth and light that he had felt with Cas. He didn't feel that from him today and that concerned him.</p><p>Dean hated telling Cas about his draw to Amara. He also hated Cas' reaction. He wonders what he would have hoped for, and is embarrassed to realize he was hoping for Cas to be jealous. It has been almost a week since they were in bed together. No girl has lingered in his thoughts like this after a hookup.</p><p>Dean reminds himself that he and Cas are friends. He hates that Cas has just been gone this whole time. Dean knows that it's his fault, he was starting to push Cas away, and Cas went. </p><p>He wants Cas in his bed, he wants to feel his warmth and light. He wants to watch more movies with him wearing his shirt. The thought of never doing it again actually hurts him.. </p><p>He sits up..</p><p>He wants to be with Cas.</p><p>He grabs his head, this isn't going away.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Beyond the Matter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>11-14 -11- 15 Dean is ready to have a serious talk with Cas about his feelings for him, but unfortunately he finds out that Cas is not Cas.</p><p>This has been my first fic, I plan to continue it eventually but will need to do a serious combing through of the episodes after these. So it may come up eventually, if not I hope you enjoyed my head cannon so far. Let me know in the comments if you want me to keep going!</p>
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    <p>Dean wakes up in his bed feeling lighter, like somehow admitting to himself that he wanted to be with Cas took a 10000lb weight of his chest. Dean knows that Cas cares about him, and he knows that he will see him again, so with a little junk food and day drinking he is going to bide his time. Until he can talk to Cas about how he feels.</p><p>Castifer told Dean that he was working on finding something to draw out Amara and he hasn't heard from him since. He hates it, but he believes it will be resolved.</p><p>They work a few cases and Dean can't stop thinking about Cas and Amara, the light and the dark, he wants Cas back, he wants to feel his light. He knows he can't kill Amara, but with her it's not love or desire, it's the darkness in him, he needs someone else to kill that part of him.</p><p>Sam comes up with a plan, they need a powerful weapon, a hand of God, Dean cracks a beer in the morning and listens to Sam's nerdy research. At some point it dawns on him, this is the perfect reason to call Cas! He has wanted to for days but he was worried, he hated that about where they were left things, but this is the perfect excuse. If they just had some time alone maybe Dean could talk to him, fix whatever he needed to fix to get Cas back in the bunker, back with him. </p><p>Castifer gets the call and shows up, he offers to take Dean back in time to retrieve the hand of God from the ship transporting it. Dean is eager to get some time alone with Cas, he  jumps at the idea and convinces Sam to stay home from the trip.</p><p>Dean doesn't know this but the ship was warded against Castifer. Dean tries to find Cas but ends up completing the mission on his own. The mission was the opposite of time alone with Cas, he had to meet several people he knew were going to die. It hurt he felt powerless. He wishes he could confide in Cas about it.</p><p>Meanwhile in the bunker, Lucifer reveals himself to a stunned Sam. During an attack Castiel is able to break through Lucifer long enough to save Sam but he can't kick him out or Dean will be trapped back in time. When Dean is brought back Sam screams to tell him </p><p>"That's not Cas!"</p><p>As soon as Sam says that Dean is hurled across the room by Castifer. His heart hurts and the pit in his stomach about the news is so severe that he can barely feel the effects on his body from being thrown.</p><p>Sam is able to blast him away with a sigal but this just gives Dean some time to process his true Despair about the situation. He was going to tell him. They could have had a shot.</p><p>Lost and broken from the day he sits and stares off of the dilapidated dock. The only way he can think about this without shutting down, is what he tells Sam. They are going to find Lucifer, trap him and save Cas.</p><p>For over a week Dean pours over lore and looks at the computer for so long his eyes strain and twitch, he is not coming up with anything and needs to leave the bunker before he goes insane. He and Sam discuss and Dean makes it very clear that saving Cas is his priority, whether Cas wants to be saved or not.. They go to a funeral of one of their Dad's friends that turns out to be a hunt.</p><p>That save the people and hunt the things.</p><p>Back at the bunker now  Sam and Dean talk about the hunt, how good people make bad decisions. Dean brings up Cas, Sam not knowing all the details can still see how badly Dean is hurting and reassures him that they will get him back. It takes everything for Dean to not break down. He has to focus, they just need to keep grinding no matter how bad it hurts or how hard it gets, they will win, they will save Cas.</p>
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